I was fortunate to have celebrated twenty five years of (mostly) wedded bliss with my darling this past week. Pretty exciting and quite a milestone. Our awesome kids and wonderful sister-in-law threw us a party. Nice. Very nice.
There are a bunch of folks I know (mostly around my age) that do not make twenty five years, and marriage as a whole is on the rocks in our world. And that is sad. Far too many couples that started out with the best of intentions and hearts full of love and passion have fallen by the wayside, ended in a painful and ugly crash. And I do not know the details of why that happens, there are probably as many reasons as there are divorces.
I have found marriage to be a terrific state of mind and state of living. My wife and still love each other, and even more amazing, we still like each other. We have found a principle that works well, and I share that with you now... Here it is, the secret to a happy marriage. Take notes if you like.
Respect. We respect one another. We respect each other as people. We honor each other as individuals. Because we respect one another, we do not try to dominate one another. We do not try to control, and we do not attempt to manipulate. We respect. We each allow that other to be who we are. I do not need to "fix" my wife, she has given up on trying to "fix" me. Because I respect her as a woman and a person, I do not try to tell her what to do, where to go, who to be. She can decide that for herself, and she gives me the same freedom and leeway. Because I respect her, and want the best for her, I avoid those things that would hurt her feelings or damage our relationship. Because she respects me, I am more able to love her. Because I respect her, I am more able to give sacrificially to her and to our marriage.
The Apostle Paul wrote about marriage in the Book of Ephesians, chapter 5. Part of what he said causes great controversy in the world today, where he wrote in verse 22, Wives, submit to your husbands. In our day of equality and cooperation and liberation, most of us read that with a bit of distaste in our mouths. And we know that far too many men have abused that verse and expected their wives to be a doormat and do only what he tells them too. But that is not what Paul is saying at all. Paul is saying that wives ought to honor their husbands, respect them and allow them to be the men that they are.
And even harder to read and accept is a couple of verses later, in verse 25, Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the Church and gave himself for her. Well, what does that mean? How did Christ love the church? He died for her, He sacrificed His own wants, desires, His very life, for he betterment of his church. And if men would do that, and love their wives like that, and give of themselves for her edification and honor and well being, I believe that women would find it very easy to respect and honor their men. But when men fail to love sacrificially, then women have a hard time fulfilling their part of this. And conflict comes, and love falters, and pain follows.
Respect and Love. Its a good thing. And it really works even in today's crazy world.
