Its a party now...

I was fortunate to have celebrated twenty five years of (mostly) wedded bliss with my darling this past week. Pretty exciting and quite a milestone. Our awesome kids and wonderful sister-in-law threw us a party. Nice. Very nice.

There are a bunch of folks I know (mostly around my age) that do not make twenty five years, and marriage as a whole is on the rocks in our world. And that is sad. Far too many couples that started out with the best of intentions and hearts full of love and passion have fallen by the wayside, ended in a painful and ugly crash. And I do not know the details of why that happens, there are probably as many reasons as there are divorces.

I have found marriage to be a terrific state of mind and state of living. My wife and still love each other, and even more amazing, we still like each other. We have found a principle that works well, and I share that with you now... Here it is, the secret to a happy marriage. Take notes if you like.

Respect. We respect one another. We respect each other as people. We honor each other as individuals. Because we respect one another, we do not try to dominate one another. We do not try to control, and we do not attempt to manipulate. We respect. We each allow that other to be who we are. I do not need to "fix" my wife, she has given up on trying to "fix" me. Because I respect her as a woman and a person, I do not try to tell her what to do, where to go, who to be. She can decide that for herself, and she gives me the same freedom and leeway. Because I respect her, and want the best for her, I avoid those things that would hurt her feelings or damage our relationship. Because she respects me, I am more able to love her. Because I respect her, I am more able to give sacrificially to her and to our marriage.

The Apostle Paul wrote about marriage in the Book of Ephesians, chapter 5. Part of what he said causes great controversy in the world today, where he wrote in verse 22, Wives, submit to your husbands. In our day of equality and cooperation and liberation, most of us read that with a bit of distaste in our mouths. And we know that far too many men have abused that verse and expected their wives to be a doormat and do only what he tells them too. But that is not what Paul is saying at all. Paul is saying that wives ought to honor their husbands, respect them and allow them to be the men that they are.

And even harder to read and accept is a couple of verses later, in verse 25, Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the Church and gave himself for her. Well, what does that mean? How did Christ love the church? He died for her, He sacrificed His own wants, desires, His very life, for he betterment of his church. And if men would do that, and love their wives like that, and give of themselves for her edification and honor and well being, I believe that women would find it very easy to respect and honor their men. But when men fail to love sacrificially, then women have a hard time fulfilling their part of this. And conflict comes, and love falters, and pain follows.

Respect and Love. Its a good thing. And it really works even in today's crazy world.

What comes next?

I have written and deleted the first sentence here five times in seven minutes. How to begin, what to say...

I want to complain that I am so busy, that my life is full of stress, that I am overloaded and there are too many thigns to do. I want to cry and moan and b!%&# about it, but I really cant. Yes, a single week with two funerals and a wedding, plus all the other regular things is a full plate. Yes, I have been going pretty hard these days, but the truth is I love it.

I love being tired at the end of the day. I love being availible for people in crisis and doing some practical good in the world. I love sharing the most difficult and intimate moments in the lives of my friends. I love what I do, and I love the people in my life.

Ministry is a tough gig, no doubt. You get to be open for criticism and complaint, you get too much responsibility for any individual to bear, and you loose sleep over other people's problems. If one is in ministry and has no sense of the divine call to the work, I imagine it will kill you, drive you crazy, make you into a sniveling wreck.

But there is a powerful presence in my life that sustains me. The Spirit of God goes with me, strengthens me, watches over me, gives me wisdom and grace to deal with all the stuff. And it is good.

I love every minute of it. I love the people in my life. And I am happier these days than I have ever been. Life is good.

Technology is great.

But I still don't understand it. People smarter than me have gotten our new church website up and running, and you can link from our website right to here. That's kind of neat. My next chore it make a link from here to there. Look for it on the sidebar.

Anyway, Thanks Karri C, for all your hard work in helping Charles Town Baptist a 21st century church.

Some New Thing

I've seen this done a thousand times. Just needed to try.

Here we go again.

If I could just do it once a week. No, not that, but this. If I could just find a few minutes to scribble on the keyboard to share a thought with all of you on a regular and consistent basis, perhaps I could call this blog project a success in ministry instead of a pain in the neck. Enough of that.

Vacation last week, and it was a grand time. But no ordinary vacation. Part of the gig was a memorial service for my father, Wayne Hotaling, dead last fall at the age of 70, from liver failure. Sad in too many ways.

So anyway, I met my up with all the family on the lake in the Adirondacks where we would spend our summers way back when. It was a great day, bluebird skies, old friends, lots of laughter and a bit of sadness. We scattered his ashes in the lake, probably breaking several laws, but the only fitting place for a man who spent the best days of his life in such a beautiful place.

Because I am the minister, I got to share a few thoughts with those that had gathered. About life, and the shortness of time, about my father's absence in my life and how I learned to deal with it. I chose the route of total honesty, with a large hand full of grace and forgiveness. The message came out alright, and I think it was helpful to some of my family that had been struggling with it all. But it sure was hard. Good, but hard to do.

It seems I think about him more now that he is dead than I ever did when he was living.

Bigger is Better?

I read the writings and musings of many of my ministry colleagues. Those that write and publish more than a two-bit blog seem to have a large realm of influence. I go to conferences and hear the mega church-preachers talk about having six thousand people come to their churches on Sunday morning. I see church facilities that rival the Hilton Hotel chain. I must admit I am a bit envious, because we all know that bigger is better. And within church circles we celebrate, like the rest of America, the big, the well known, the popular and the glam.

One of the great joys of being a local church pastor is people. What is church if not people? Certainly not buildings and budgets. Church is people, people are church. And being the pastor of a church gives me a great opportunity to connect with people. And help people connect to one another.

Why are more people feeling lonely and alone in metropolitan areas than rural? Why do crowds amplify isolation? Shouldn't it be the other way around? The bigger the crowd the easier to get lost. So why do we think that bigger is better in church? Isn't the idea in church for folks to be known and accepted and loved by a few other folks, in order to bring a little Kingdom of God to the world?

I admire the mega church folks, with the smooth talking heads and the TV contracts and fancy buildings. They are doing their part to magnify the Lord. But the vast majority of church communities in USAmerica are significantly smaller. and the smallness of community creates an opportunity for unity, friendship, fellowship and intimacy. It is a great joy to know and be known.

Bigger is not always better. Relevant and effective is better and that is not connected to size.

Road Trip

What a weekend. 2500 miles, 36 hours in the car. Round trip from West Virginia to Louisiana. Lots of time to ponder life, look at the scenery, and eat french fries.

And now Tuesday feels like the worst Monday ever. It is hard to get started again, because my brain is not quite engaged. The idea to take a little time off when needed is a good one. An even better idea is to take the time off and get some rest, so that when returning to the place of duty, one is fully prepared and energized.

I should not complain. The trip was necessary for the sake of one of my family members. My daughter had a major presentation and I went simply to support and encourage her, to acknowledge a year and a half of exceptionally hard work. So I do not regret the trip. I just forgot how taxing it was going to be.

You would think it would be easy. Most of what I do concerns thoughts, ideas, and words. If I could just think up some words, tell my fingers the letters and what order to put them in, and then it would all just take care of itself. Not so. Good ideas are hard to come by, to express them into coherent language, to communicate with clarity and impact is difficult on the best days. Nigh unto impossible on the fuzzy days.

Scarlet O'Hara would give good advice here. I'll think about that tomorrow. For today, I will resign to the fact that I am getting next to nothing done, and just let that be.