They are not the same thing. I know some folks that make sport out of finding ways to hurt each other. Much conflict, much pain, with no end in sight. And it is a heartbreaker. Life ought not be that way. Couples that are married to one another ought to live and love in peace and ought to protect each other from the hurts in life. They ought not to inflict the hurts.
Kids ought to grow up with Mom and Dad in the same house, and they ought to say not to drugs. Grandparents ought to see children graduate from school, and the economy ought to be creating jobs for people.
Life does work in the realm of "ought to." Life exists in the realm of what is. There is a corny cliche that I use far too often, "it is what it is." Duh. Of course it is what it is, how could it be anything different than what it is? But that too obvious expression is my way of saying that we need to accept what is, and not pine away for what ought. Because the oughts in life just don't happen very often.
Am I a pessimist? No. Far from it, I am an eternal optimist with an eternal hope. But I am also a realist. And the reality is that life really is not fair, and Moms and Dads don't always make it through the tough times, and people sometmes hurt one another in ways that we cannot understand. That is the reality. That is the sin nature of humanity at work.
We are created for vibrant, personal, intense love realtionships with each other, and with our creator. And we fall so far short. Accepting the truth of that is the first step in reclaiming that. We do not live up to our billing. We do not live in the way we are created to live. What ought to be is not always what is.
But the fact remains that we know what ought to be. Ingrained in to our DNA is something about the ideal, some kernel of knowlege that some thing is better than this thing. We instinctively know that more life and better life is at least possible, if not always handy.
Jesus said in John 10:10, "The thief comes only to kills, steal, and destroy. I have come that they may have life, and have it more abundantly."
My life will probably never live up to the life that is all it ought to be. But I still refuse to be content with what is.
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