to get into the details, but suffice to say that I am being stretched, tried and tested. I have claimed in the past that I have forgiven, I have told everybody I know that I am over it, and we have moved on, and all is at peace.
But these days, those gracious statements of largesse are being challenged. Now that life and death are in the balance, the doctors have spoken, and time is very short, can I really face the truth? Can my actions live up to my words? Or will I find that faux forgiveness that permeates superficial religion?
Well, I called him on the phone. I talked to him. And I told him that all is forgiven, he has peace in my heart, and that I love him and wanted him to know those things while there is still time to know them. And he said that he loves me, and that he was sorry for all the time lost. And then we talked about kids and the Red Sox.
Almost like a regular father and son. Almost.
Thank you. I know there are so many out there that wish they could do the same thing, but don't. I just wish I did it more with my mother before I lost her back in June.
ReplyDeleteLoving you very much because you are who you say you are, your actions match your words and your beliefs.
ReplyDeleteWe share a commonality - writing. I've been reading your blogs this evening and have been totally engrossed. This post hit so close to home; especially about Matthew. If only he would sit quietly for a few minutes to read your posts, it may have a profound impact on him!
ReplyDeleteAt times I find I'm so consumed with how to help him. Then I realize he has to become the man he should and can be on his own - with God leading him. I'm just not even sure he sees him standing there to walk with him through the hurt. I know he, like you, has experienced a lot of hurt due to his father(s), but there is nothing more I can do for him other than pray.
Thank you for this post! It helps me realize Matthew is not the only person suffering from his past. In a way, I guess we all are, only to different degrees.
I'm glad you forgave and let him know you did. It must have taken a ton of weight off your mind and given you peace within your heart.
I pray Matthew will not only forgive his biological father, but the man he knows as his dad also. He must forgive himself first though.
Good Stuff Brian!